PEREGRINE Product - BOB, Lord of Evil Described

Just Who is Bob, Lord of Evil, Anyway?

Bob is a naughty boy who grew big, very big. On any other planet, Bob would have started out as just another delinquent brat spoiled by mummy and daddy. Upon attaining adulthood, he would be let loose on the world and quickly fade into mediocrity with a dead end job, hardening of the arteries, and overdue credit cards. On Murphy's World, however, if you, and others, believe something to be true, well, there's a darn good chance that it is true. Such is the case with Bob.

Bob's loving guardians were oblivious to the dangers heralded when he ordered bugs about and devoured those who disobeyed. (Not surprisingly, Bob ate a lot of bugs). They shrugged off such behavior as "attention getting," or "charming." Bob soon tried the same antics on his playmates; when a parent on the neighborhood 'block watch' committee saw Bob swallow another child in one gulp, it was too much. Bob's parents finally realized that something had to be done.

Bob spent years in counselling, attempting to 'find himself'. Bob knew perfectly well who he was and what he wanted to do — he just couldn't understand why everyone else put up so much resistance. Finally, Bob was sent to a 'special school', Colonel Klink P.S., to learn with other children afflicted with conditions similar to his own. In retrospect, this was the worst thing that could have been done, since it was here that he found his first followers who shared his vision of global domination. It wasn't long before Bob, along with his classmates, graduated in a glowing ceremony... that had less to do with the modification of his behavior and more with the fact that the institution mysteriously burned to the ground one night. Bob returned home with the other students in tow; he now had a gang.

IMAGE: Bob, Lord of Evil - Peace

Bob Gets Big

After a bit of puzzling over just what a gang was supposed to do, and after eating a few members to enforce discipline, Bob decided on a campaign of random acts of vandalism and violence in the neighborhood (they picked their own neighborhood as a target because it was within walking distance).

For a while this was great fun, but after a few months they ran out of fresh victims: everyone in the neighborhood had either been mugged or moved away. There was no-one left to pick on. Not even Bob's parents, who, finally clueing in, packed up their RV and hit the road one night. By now, Bob's home town was converted into a graffiti covered, burned-out wasteland. Cozy bungalows and manicured lawns were reduced to ruins and scorched soil. Still, it was all Bob knew; it was home.

The time seemed right for Bob to reveal his master plan. Written in crayon on scraps of paper and bound together with chewing gum, this tome, 'Bob's Big Idea', contained the sum of Bob's thoughts and opinions on just about everything. It also outlined his plans for global domination. Its grimy pages contained the vision of a brave new world, where everyone would be free to do as they pleased, to eat whatever and whomever they wanted, and to rob, cheat, steal, or burn anything their hearts desired — so long as they had permission from Bob, of course.

Then something magical happened. Spontaneously, a pilgrimage of evil began. It was as though Bob had become a magnet for every scumbag, psychotic, and bank loan officer on the planet. They came by the thousands, leaving everything they owned behind, stealing what they needed along the way. Most had no idea where they were going, or why they were drawn to Bob. Somewhere in their minuscule minds a voice whispered that Bob held the answer. Bob could provide a meaning to their lives. Bob would make it all right. Of course, Bob could do nothing of the sort. In fact, Bob almost wet himself when he woke up one morning and found over ten thousand people camped on his front lawn, the neighbors' yards, and down the block as far as he could see. Then a spark fired in his simian brain. He recognized this as a unique opportunity; here were the human (well, humanoid) resources necessary to implement the first stage in his plan of domination.

Bob surrounded himself with the best and the baddest thinkers he could find (after all, he couldn't be expected to think of everything, and besides, being an evil genius gets lonely at times...). Then, with renewed effort, he set out to attract every power hungry, untrustworthy, antisocial creep on the planet, and make a home for them.

Once his army had grown to overwhelming numbers, Bob gave the order, and they poured out of the neighborhood to establish his realm, The Land of Bob. They brought a New World Chaos to the masses they subjugated.

Bob's initiative continues. Every day, evil opportunists wander into The Land of Bob in the hope of being inducted into the service of the greater evil. When will Bob launch his great March of Conquest to make the whole world the Land of Bob? Soon. Very soon.

The Dark Lands
The Dark Lands is the perfect place for evil and chaos to be concentrated. Due to the presence of Bob's nemesis, Ben, a small moon hovering directly above the region, this once fertile and suburban paradise is now shrouded in continual shadow and smoke and shaken by frequent tectonic activity; anyone would have to be insane or weird to remain there — and they are!

At the center of the Dark Lands is the Land of Bob, more formally called Tir Nan Bob, with its capital Bobston and sprawling suburbs, Boburbia. Here, in the Fortress of Bob, located on a dormant volcano, Bob Tor, Bob plots his insane schemes and demands fealty from his appointed 'Chefs' — the overlords of the surrounding lands dubbed 'Ranges'.

There are twelve Chefs, each a trusted warlord of Bob's and each secretly plotting to have the other demoted or killed. Bob and his advisors like it that way — it keeps the Chefs on their toes and distracted from thinking of ways to depose Bob.

The outlying regions are The Chaney Commonwealth (north), Karloffornia (west), Leeland (south), Belavista (south-east), and Vinnieland (north-east). While the leaders of these regions pay lip service (and some protection money) to Bob, they pretty much rule as they please.

Tir Nan Bob — The Land of Bob

Ever notice how some people just aren't happy unless they have something or someone to complain about? Such is the case with Bob. Though things were moving along just fine as far as the wanton destruction of neighborhoods and chasing away the local honest citizenry were concerned, Bob reflected that things were progressing well. Too well. Someone powerful had to be plotting against him somewhere... global conquest couldn't be this easy.

Had it not been for Bob's obsessive paranoia, Murphy's World might well be a less peaceful place today. For not only did Bob suspect that he had a nemesis, his reptilian brain demanded that such an enemy exist — a massive thing from some unknown distant place, with dark designs which could not be fully comprehended, even by a self-proclaimed genius such as Bob. Bob's angst over an unknown nemesis rose to cosmic proportions, catching the attention of Ludo, the planet's sentient sun. As it happens, at about this time a rogue moon was passing merrily through Ludo's star system. Reaching out with its gravitational tentacles, Ludo grasped the massive orb, pulled it into orbit around Murphy's World, and plonked it down right over Bob's head. Originally this was to be a temporary measure — to cause a week or two of darkness, shake things up a bit, teach Bob a lesson, then fling the moon back into space where it came from. Bob changed all that.

Like many folks, Bob has his superstitious side. Actually, it's fairer to say that Bob is wildly superstitious. When the rogue moon suddenly arrived and cast a dark shadow over his neighborhood as far as the eye could see, Bob thought that some strange and malicious intelligence must be behind it. That this was in fact the case had nothing to do with it — Bob would have reacted the same way regardless — but now Bob had a focus for his paranoia: a true nemesis. Bob became obsessed with the massive moon, which he called Ben (because it was big). Bob wondered why Ben had come — was it a sign, or a bane? A punishment for what he had done, or a reward acknowledging his works?

To answer these burning questions, Bob initiated a space program. Its goal, to send a representative to Ben to find out why Ben was there, and perhaps cut a deal with the hovering planetoid. Bob became convinced that Ben was a key factor in his bid to conquer the world. Before he could grind the rest of the planet to dust, he had to get Ben on his side. Bob believed that together, he and Ben would be the greatest source of nastiness the universe had ever known! Bob was obsessed.
All Ludo could do was roll its sunspots and sigh. It couldn't send Ben on its way now... things were getting too interesting.


	This page was last updated September 19, 2023. Content copyright © 1993 to 2023 by Kevin Davies. All rights reserved.